In part two of Dennis Prager's column on women and depression, Mr. Prager suggests that women are more depressed than ever because since the 60s and advent of modern feminism, girls have been allowed to be "emotional" as is their nature, to reject femininity as defined by dress and coarse language and are unable to find "real men". 

 

On the one hand Mr. Prager promotes the idea (as in his book Happiness Is A Serious Problem) that "happiness" is a personal obligation and cannot be and should not be sought through others (spouse or children) but on the other hand he announces that "women are generally happier when they have a good man in their lives".  On the one hand Mr. Prager believes in the fixed innate nature of each gender while on the hand asserting that our natures are mutable by the mind, circumstance or nurturing particularly in the area of sexuality (at least when arguing against the re-definition of marriage).  If Mr. Prager's views were more consistent he might be a champion of modern feminism which has been asking women to overcome their innate nature by suggesting that happiness is possible independent of men and children and similarly asking men to overcome their innate physical and sexual aggression in favor of a more self regulating male.  Instead, Mr. Prager concludes that mind-control experiment has failed and that true happiness is only found when each gender is allowed to express its innate nature although in a mind-controlled manner. (Hugh?)  Women are happiest being mothers and wives and men are happiest when their sexual urges are met (thankfully it appears that their sexual nature is greater than their physical nature or we'd have to provide them something to punch). 

 

Born in the late 60s, I suppose I am a product of the time.  I am a feminist (although not one that believes in abortion on demand) that grew up believing that women can do most anything men can do (as a child my sister tried peeing standing up - didn't work too well), and that women need not depend on a man for financial or emotional security.  Men and women were to be equals (I never heard feminists say that there was no difference between women and men) and that marriage, if chosen, should be a partnership.  Perhaps my upbringing was unique, I am a first generation American, my Mexican grandmother always worked (I often went to work with her) but my mother chose to stay home after some college.  I was always encouraged to get married, have a family and get a job - "have your own money" my grandmother would say.  So I did, while in college I got married (who says college and marriage should be in linear succession), had my first two children, got divorced (this particular mexican male had not gotten the "equality" memo), got a degree in Architecture, met a wonderful guy (son of an attorney - clearly had the "equality" memo) and got re-married (13 years thank you very much).  I will be the first to admit that the only tension in our marriage is always for the exact same reason - sex.

 

Men often wonder why the first thing to go is sex.  Mr. Prager states that women cease being in the "mood" although as a big believer in behaviorism he suggests that women do it anyway with the idea that the "mood" is brought on by the behavior.  I do not disagree with the latter but the premise that women are just not in the mood is false.  What ceases is the attraction to the male, not physically (many hot husbands still don't get any) and women do fantasize about sex (please see sales of romance books) but mentally.  It appears that the mind over matter button only works in women, since even Mr. Prager admits, the mind is completely irrelevant in male sexual arousal.  It appears though that the mind is also irrelevant in much of the other innate aspects of male nature such as, finding things, remembering a schedule, overcoming physical exhaustion except when requested by other men, making decisions (other than work related), feeling sick, getting hurt - need I go on?  I will admit that while many of these traits are present during courtship, for whatever reason the female mind finds them irresistibly attractive prior to the advent of children - perhaps it is the innate nature of women (he needs me) that finds such traits charming.  With the arrival of children however, the female mind finally acknowledges the feminist ideals of equality - we want an equal partner in child rearing not another child who needs us. 

 

Until I started listening to Mr. Prager, I assumed that the child-like traits observed in my otherwise wonderful husband were a lack of mental focus.  I thought that like a child, these traits would self destruct with proper motivation - sex.  Curiously however, rather than see him rise to the occassion (no pun intended), my husband would often become petulant and whiny.  What did Mr. Prager have to say about this?  Men can't help how they are - if you want a man to do what you want - give him sex (Dr. Laura Schlessinger I think sees it similarly). What?  What happened to the mind?  Why can my mind work and not his?  Why can my mind motivate my body to find the energy to come home after work, make dinner, take care of homework and laundry, remember to stop by the grocery store, organize everyone's schedule, maintain the finances, do a little home improvement and his shuts down as soon as he comes in the door?  Are you kidding me - it will never ever improve?  I swear I am grateful that he loves me and goes to work everyday but really? His mind will never ever work? I am suppossed to motivate him to do what is right through sexual coercion? Isn't that prostitution?  Sigh......

 

So here I am - the modern woman -  I work, I take care of my home, I do not depend on my husband or kids to make me happy  (I have a million interests) and while not my preference, if needed I can do plumbing, carpentry, and probably learn how to fix my own car. I don't need a man to save me or take care of me and I don't want a man who depends on me to make nearly every decision in our lives (aside from his work) - I would like to live and be married to man with whom I can share the happiness I innately feel, one who is my equal intellectually, a friend and confidant - that man will get sex.  I am still hopeful my husband is that guy.